It’s true, isn’t it? Too often we wait to voice our kindest thoughts about someone until they are no longer around to hear them. Why is that?  (Now, in some cases, the select kind words spoken at funerals may not accurately portray the deceased; but that is usually evidenced by the few people in attendance at the service.) At my cousin’s service, we most definitely exceeded the limits permitted by the fire marshal.  There was standing room only in the church and a line outside to get in. The room was a buzz of stories of her acts of love and kindness.

As I sat and listened to person after person recount what a blessing my cousin had been to them, I wondered if she herself had truly known her own impact. It was a time of joy for all of us as we genuinely celebrated her life and legacy. Still, I could not help but feel the irony of the situation. We were honoring her good deeds and gracious heart as we bid our Good-byes. I wish now that more of us had done that as we greeted her with our Hellos.

So today, I issue this challenge… not just to tell people that you love them but to tell them why you love them. Tell them the difference they have made in your life, how you yourself are better from having known them. Why wait until someone has passed to honor them? Give them their flowers while they are still living so they can enjoy them. Doing so will bring you both joy to share.

Clifford A. Bailey
speaker, CEO

Kim Hunter shared with me some sage advice that her college advisor had shared with her many years before, advice that she has passed on to many students in her program. I thought it worthy of passing along, too. Here is what she said:

“I remember my college advisor, Joseph Sass, as one of the most important people in my life (outside of family). He strongly recommended that for my first full-time position I accept the offer from the largest corporation possible. He told me to learn as much as I could about the company and its systems, take advantage of every professional development and training opportunity, and meet as many people as possible. His advice was to work there for at least three years and then decide what I wanted to do next. He said it was much easier to start at a large company and move to a small company or non-profit than it was to move the other way. His opinion was that smaller companies and non-profits were always eager to hire folks that worked in a large corporate environment because they would have more knowledge to share.”

–Kim Hunter
Director, Instructional Technology
College of Mount St Joseph

I was fortunate enough to have unwittingly followed this advice, starting my career at Procter & Gamble and gaining the big-company experience before starting TechSoft Systems. That experience has been invaluable over the course of my career – not just for the processes and principles I learned and have applied to my own business, but also because I have a greater understanding of how my customers’ businesses operate. I understand their processes and their challenges, which allows me to communicate and work with them more effectively.

After the conversation with Ms. Hunter, I did a quick mental evaluation of my own staff over the last decade. Those who have been most successful in their roles are indeed the ones who came in with corporate experience. This revelation will most definitely influence my hiring decisions in the future as the team at TechSoft Systems continues to grow.

Thanks, Mr. Sass, for your sage advice to all of us.

-Clifford A. Bailey, CEO of TechSoft Systems

But before we learn to live (again) with the guilt from having skipped consecutive days at the gym, consider this: What is a resolution, at its heart? We treat them as empty promises even as we make them. We know that there is no accountability, no enforcement; our resolutions are ours alone, right? So if we fail to keep them, what is the harm?

Break down the word, folks. “I resolve to…” Resolve. Resolve is defined as to decide, to bring to an end, to settle; to conclude; to reach a decision. These are not empty words to be exchanged over a glass of champagne on the last night of the year. These are words of finality and purpose, of vision and wisdom and opportunity.

So this year, consider well your resolutions. Think carefully of what you can do to make the coming year better for yourself and for those around you. Then stand tall and firm with resolve. And when you fail (and you will fail; we all do), do not discount the effort altogether; get back on the horse and ride it once more. You are the maker of your destiny, and your destiny is what you make of it.

If you missed out on making your resolution, fear not: the window has not closed. A person can resolve to make a change any day at any moment. Maybe this one is yours.

Get in S.H.A.P.E.™
Clifford A. Bailey

1. Give and seek forgiveness. If regret from a broken relationship with an old friend or family member is plaguing you this season, make the first move. It’s not about who was right or wrong; it’s about rising above that and simply saying, “I regret the way I handled that. I’m sorry. Can we put it behind us?” Things may never be the way they were, but forgiveness is a powerful healer; and leaving that burden in 2011 means you can walk taller in 2012.
2. Breathe in bliss. The holidays are an ideal time to reflect on the year behind us and set goals for the year ahead. That’s all fine and necessary. But in between the past and the future, take some precious time to experience the present; appreciate life itself. Inhale bliss, and exhale all that fights against it. Breathe deeply, purposefully, deliberately. Look for the beauty around you, study it and be grateful for it.
3. Enhance the lives of others. If you are looking for purpose in your life, seek first to lift up another person. I have been cheered by recent stories of “Layaway Santas,” these everyday people who are paying off the layaway accounts of total strangers as random acts of kindness. One of these gestures is worth far more than the account balance:  from the smiling shopkeeper who keeps the secret … to the hard-working Mom who can now afford to buy a little something for herself … to the one who found the true meaning of Christmas by giving with no strings attached. Acts like these bring elusive holiday joy and cheer to self and others. Give to a stranger who has no way of returning the favor, and you will experience bliss.
4. Take the focus off of yourself.  There is always someone having a harder time than you are, so there is always someone you can help. Call a friend who lost a loved one this year, even if you don’t know what to say (the words will come). Take some homemade soup to an elderly person in your life, and ask her to share a story with you while you visit. Have a friend who works the night shift? String some holiday lights outside his or her home and leave a small gift at the door with a handwritten note. Letting people know you care about them is the best way to create bliss for them… and for yourself.

(What have you done to beat the blahs with bliss?  Share your stories with me, and I may include you in a future blog post.)

May you have a blissful holiday season!  Be safe out there!

Clifford A. Bailey
speaker, CEO and lover of life

As I waited in my car for the officer to return with my license and registration, I replayed our conversation in several ways. Rather than insisting on my rightness, which would very likely have led to much stiffer consequences, I chose not to engage the officer. I disarmed her attitude by not letting it infect me. I did this because I have learned that proving myself right is less important than being civil and respectful in a conversation, especially when the other individual is clearly predisposed to provoke.

Don’t fall prey to someone else’s attitude. If someone is determined to prove you wrong, the instinctive reaction is to prove yourself right, but that approach will likely just pour gasoline on the fire. Instead, pause. Collect your faculties and respond in a cool, calm and collected manner. This is especially important if you are in a HALT situation…

H – hungry
A – angry
L – lonely
T – tired

At the end of a long week, I was exhausted when I saw the blue lights in my rear-view mirror. And I was angered at being falsely accused. Without applying the HALT principle, I would likely be making an unplanned court appearance.

The HALT principle also applies to decision-making; you should never make a big decision if you are hungry, angry, lonely or tired. You can probably think of good examples of bad decisions you have made under each of those conditions in the past. I know I can.

So the next time a boss, colleague, police officer or TSA agent comes at you with an attitude, remember to HALT, and then take the high road.

Clifford A. Bailey
speaker and CEO

As much as I am dedicated to my business, I am equally dedicated to the gym. Working out keeps me sane, and the discipline eases stress and keeps me sharp. I have nurtured this discipline my entire life. As a younger man, I had my share of bragging rights on the bench press, and I enjoyed pushing myself and others to the breaking point. Of course, that was back in the days when bones were stronger, injuries were less feared and recovery time was faster.

Years later, my perspective on the gym has changed. I see echoes of myself in the young men who work out on the bench while I stick to hand weights. I catch glimpses as they load up more and more weight onto the machines. At one time that would have goaded me, but in my more – ahem – mature years, I no longer feel a need to compete with my old self (or with those who represent it). I have already proven myself, and I left nothing on the table.

To quote Clint Eastwood’s iconic character, Dirty Harry, “A man’s got to know his limitations.” As a young man, I believed I had no limitations at all. Life has taught me otherwise, and I am grateful for the lessons. It is freeing now to internalize that I have nothing else to prove. I have paid my dues; and I will quietly observe, with a satisfied smile on my face, as the young men in the gym pay theirs.

-Clifford A. Bailey, speaker and CEO of TechSoft Systems

Why the distinction? Because people do things for people they know. They do more for people they like. And they do even more for people they love and admire.

So how do you get to this point in a relationship with someone? More specifically, how do you do this in a business setting?

Remember that people buy from people, not just from companies. To get from contact to contract, you must connect with customers on an emotional level. They will justify selecting you through logic, but it is the rapport they have with you, the personal connection, that will truly drive the selection.

Now, of course, there are some basic hurdles that you need to clear before your relationship will even come into play. There are four basic assumptions that you must prove to even be in the running.
1. You must provide cost savings.
2. You must demonstrate innovative thinking.
3. You must make the experience seamless and convenient.
4. You must reduce your customer’s risk.

If you lack confidence in any of the above, take the time to clean up your back room first, because most prospective clients can spot puffery and doubt. People who have nothing to fear can speak boldly, truthfully and transparently, all of which are valued in a negotiation setting.

Once you have demonstrated the above, the relationship becomes essential. We’ve all been in situations – whether making a business deal or seeking a position with a prospective employer – where the job went to the other guy because someone on the team knew him. Your priority is to be the guy they know. This is not something that can be faked; they know and trust you… or they don’t.

This is where patience and perseverance come in. It is critical that you demonstrate to prospective customers a sincere desire to learn their business. It is only through this process that you can give a compelling reason why they should buy from you, one that reveals that you understand their challenges. It may take months or even years to develop that relationship. But I have never regretted diving in deep to learn about a company and the people that comprise it. Even if I did not win a contract with them (yet), what I gained in industry knowledge, experience and contacts helped me close other contracts down the road.

Clifford A. Bailey
speaker and CEO

This video highlights the shapes in Clifford A. Bailey’s Get in SHAPE™ program, which marries personal and organizational development principles to re-shape perspectives and empower individuals to become more effective in all they do.

(S.H.A.P.E. = Securing Higher Achievement and Personal Effectiveness.™)

A transformation like this requires passionate vision – vision that sees way beyond today, vision that paints a new future that most of us cannot imagine.  Ten years ago the idea of receiving email on mobile devices was a pipe dream; few of us even had mobile phones at that time.  And carrying our entire music collection in our pocket? Unimaginable.  Thanks to Apple, we live in a technology world that is high-touch, high-speed and without limits.

While considering the success of Apple, I have many times asked myself, “Was this an accident, or was this really the plan all along?”  Even at my own company, TechSoft Systems, we have been forced to adapt our business model to embrace Apple products.  So what is at the root of this movement?

A lot of companies out there have great products, even life-changing products, that we will never see because they lack the resources or the strategy to present those products to the general public.  Whether intentional or not, I believe the success of Apple is based on a generational marketing strategy.  Consider the iPod.  It was first embraced by then 20- and 30-somethings who sought easier accessibility to their vast music collections.  This Generation X audience can be characterized in part by an inclination for independence, control and choice; as such, traditional radio formats are less appealing. Enter the iPod, which took off like wildfire in this generation.

Witnessing the choice and control that the iPod offered, teenagers with means began embracing the Nano.  Then came the Shuffle, which provided tweens and even younger listeners with a less costly device that played the music they wanted to hear when they wanted to hear it.  The impact of the iPod cannot be overstated; it radically changed how we listen to music, and with that, irrevocably altered the entire music industry – and even the auto industry, which now includes auxiliary jacks in even base models.

The iPhone was first embraced by early adapters within that same 20- to 30-something audience.  Then it went mainstream to this generation, followed by early adapters of other generations.  Now it’s impossible to enter a doctor’s office, coffee shop, train or airline gate and not witness several iPhones in use.

Next up was the iPad, a device that was so radical that few of us could even have imagined it.  The iPad is now widely used in schools, hospitals, homes, businesses…  Even by reporters on location in hurricane-expectant cities.  This device has reshaped how we view personal computers altogether. And as the technology advances, the need for the PC as we know it diminishes.  Students accustomed to the iPad will soon be preaching its advantages to employers; eventually, they will be in a position to demand this technology by name.  This will change the office environment forever.

The question I ponder is this:  Is Apple’s success the result of an ingenious and precisely executed generationally-targeted marketing strategy?  Is it the ability of the CEO to see far beyond what we can even imagine – and make it so natural and easy to use that we forget life before it?   Or is it the result of a corporation that deliberately and continuously breaks down our very conceptions of what is possible?

I don’t believe that every success story has a formula (though some do).  In this case, I am simply in awe of a man who cast a vision that the whole world now sees.  Thank you, Steve.  Godspeed.

Clifford A. Bailey
CEO of TechSoft Systems, Inc.