Emotional Intelligence: To Boast?

A friend of mine shared with me recently one of her mother’s favorite quotes. It was so powerful that I didn’t even have to write it down; I remembered it instantly. Octavia Charlery said, “Self-praising is no recommendation.” Wow! Four words that speak truth on many levels.

I contrast Ms. Charlery’s quote with one from Muhammad Ali, which seems to be a contradiction. The Champ once said, “It’s not bragging if you can do it.” Ironically, these words also speak truth.

How can these quotes, which seem to contradict each other, both be true? I’ve given this some thought lately, and here’s where I have arrived on this. Like so much in life, it comes down to attitude, audience and motive.

If I am telling a prospective TechSoft Systems client of our success serving the technology needs of small and large business, our record of customer satisfaction with those businesses, and the combined years of experience on my team, that’s not bragging. And it’s not self-praising if the point is to instill confidence in that prospective client so they understand that they are in good hands with TechSoft Systems. The client is likely to feel better about working with me because of what I have shared.

If, on the other hand, I am playing golf with some buddies, and I go on and on about how successful I am, how great business is at TechSoft Systems, how I was personally quoted in an Inc. Magazine article about closing million-dollar deals and how my speaking engagements routinely receive five stars from the audience, I may find myself playing alone by the third hole. That’s bragging. It may all be true, but the audience is not seeking the information, and the motive would be purely to puff myself up. It’s not helpful.

Third-party recommendations are a very useful tool. We read product reviews on Amazon to see if we should buy a certain product. We seek referrals before we hire a contractor, to confirm his or her legitimacy. We call references before we hire an employee, to determine his or her work ethic and professionalism. Third party praise is indeed a recommendation; it has authority and credibility. If you are the only one saying you’re great, you’re arrogant. Prove your greatness, and then let others speak it about you.

That said, don’t be stingy with praise of others. What comes around goes around. Which reminds me… My marketing guru keeps telling me that I need to write some recommendations for colleagues on LinkedIn. I guess I’d better do that.

Clifford Bailey
re-S.H.A.P.E. your thinking.™